Relationships are an interesting phenomenon, astrologically and otherwise, for they can bring out the best and the worst elements of natal potentials. A person who lives alone is in a state of artificial truce. Many personality traits remain buried inside, some expediently suppressed, while others are dormant until they are triggered by external circumstances or transiting planets. There may even be a few ugly demons lurking deep inside, some of them not known to the person.
The “truce” is an on-going (conscious and subconscious) process by which a person gradually achieves inner stability, essentially by balancing the personality traits. But the balancing act inherently discriminates between traits: some traits are viewed as desirable, while others are not. The desirable ones are allowed to surface freely. The undesirable traits are suppressed. They surface more frequently when a person is alone. “Self-actualizers” are able to shape some of their undesirable traits into an asset - e.g., a reformed addict who helps other addicts. Other people overcome them through self-discipline. This leaves many others who simply continue to suppress (and hide) their undesirable traits. In time, these people are so used to them, that they are viewed as - “well, nobody is perfect” - minor imperfections. Many of them are just that, but some are not.
Suppressed traits do not simply fade away. Unless there is a conscious effort to, at least, polish some of their rough edges, they remain just below the surface, waiting to be released. Frequently they are released, and as long as they are not abusive to other people (or the person can “get away with it”), the traits are satisfied “for now” and return to their cells. However, many of them do become abusive. Terms such as “hot-tempered,” “I was provoked,” “I could not control myself,” “momentary insanity...” are expressions commonly used by some people to rationalize their abuse of other people.
A movie on TV portrayed a real-life story: the marriage between a high-level employee of the Department of Justice and his wife. The man periodically beat his wife. This “smart” lawyer apparently never considered what he would do if he were provoked not by his wife, but by a Hulk Hogan. His lawyer’s mind would grasp the situation immediately, and... If “hot-tempered” men could allow themselves to reason in this fashion when they have the upper hand, beatings of children, women, and weaker opponents would reduce significantly. That is, many undesirable traits are sometimes displayed as if they are traits of strength, when they are really sneaky and cowardly means of achieving self-importance.
A relationship does not actually create new traits in one or the other partner. What happens is that a suppressed trait eventually surfaces when the other partner is present. Once witnessed, it is no longer a hidden trait, and now that its existence is known, it begins to surface almost as freely as does a desirable trait. If the other partner is not disturbed, the trait is witnessed and filed away. But if he or she is annoyed or hurt by it, a response is likely to follow. Depending on the type of response, and how the partner with the trait views this infringement on his freedom to express his personality, a clash may ensue.
A clash may also be triggered by the appearance of a habit - not a suppressed undesirable trait - that is undesirable in the eyes of the other partner. For example, some people like their food very hot. They have little sympathy for those who are unable to relish food when it is steaming hot. One partner may make a slight slurping sound when drinking hot soup. The other partner may be irritated by this sound, more by its impertinence than the sound itself. (These people usually maintain a stiff posture while seated and eat their food as if they are performing a solemn ritual.) The way the annoyed partner handles the situation determines what happens next.
Clashes are generally a part of the adjustment process. After all, the partners are not “made to order” for one another. Presumably they also share many positive traits. However, sometimes the clash about the appearance of one suppressed trait brings out more suppressed traits from both sides. Too many undesirable traits out in the open all at once can mark a “rude awakening” for one or both partners. These are the occasions that invariably lead to thoughts like, “my God, he/she is not the person I married...”
This situation is made more complicated by the fact that the other partner has also traits that seemingly come out of nowhere. So the relationship becomes an arm-wresting match between the traits surfacing on one side and the team from the other side. If a truce can be reached, the partners feel reassured and confident, for they know now that their traits are allowed to surface from time to time. The relationship becomes more natural.
On the other hand, if arm-wrestling evolves into a heated clash, there is the possibility that the demons will leave their cells, push aside all traits, and begin a war against the opposing - real or imagined - demons. These are the partners who bring out the worst in one another. Curiously, the “worst” is not always a severe trait while it hibernates in the person. It is transformed into a destructive demon only when it clashes with a trait in the other person. In this case each partner is entitled to exclaim, “he/she provoked me...”
Because relationships are so important in bringing out many of the personality traits hidden in a natal chart, relationship scenario are used liberally to illustrate planetary influences.
Relationships present a difficult challenge to astrology. The advice one reads in astrology magazines stresses a narrow astrologic view of a relationship, such as “since his Saturn is conjunct your Venus in your 5th house of romance, it is only natural for you to feel sometimes that your relationship has lost its zest... it may also affect your sex-life periodically.” The astrology of relationships is actually much more complicated and involve all of the following dimensions: the natal charts of the partners independent from the relationship, the combined potentials for a relationship, the type of relationship, the phase of the relationship, transiting influences on each partner, environmental factors, other non-astrologic elements.
1) The natal chart independent from the relationship
Some people are burdened with complicated charts that contain many squares, oppositions, and volatile combinations. Frequently these people need all or most of their energy for inner stability. They are not be able to “give” to the relationship in the long run, especially in a situation of cohabitation. (These are people who need to have their own “space”.) Other charts may be balanced overall, but for a particular aspect, such as Saturn conjunct Venus in the 8th house of sex. This person is likely to experience periodically cycles of impotence and frigidity, depending on the position of transiting planets. If he or she enters a relationship with someone who has a highly sexual configuration, such as Mars or Uranus conjunct Venus or the Moon in 8th, 1st, or 5th houses, sexual incompatibility alone can gradually overwhelm all else, even if the rest of the combined chart looks very promising. The astrologer should always scrutinize each chart independently and flag out patterns that are likely to become problem areas in time, regardless of the companion.
2) The combined relationship chart
The relationship chart depicts the potentials for a relationship between a couple. The potentials are just that. Frequently they are totally unrepresentative of the quality of the cycle actually experienced by the relationship. The potentials are a function of “interplanetary” and “inter-house” interaction between the respective planets.
a) Inter-planetary Aspects: describe the aspects formed between his and her planets. For example, “his Mars conjunct her Venus” is an excellent indicator of potency of sexual attraction. Of course, a long term relationship will not survive based on this aspect alone, but sexual attraction, if present, can also inject magnetism, zest, romance, love... to the relationship, and thus enhance its endurance. An enduring relationship, in turn, fuels attraction, romance, love... Thus, a pattern that is essentially a short-term plus becomes a significant long-term ingredient. If her Mars is also conjunct or trine his Venus, the relationship may be a bond made in heaven. Its survival in the long-term will still depend on the aspects between the remaining planets, natal potentials of each person, transiting influences, and non-astrologic factors. However, this relationship already has “lots going for it.”
The aspects between two people are interpreted exactly as they are in a natal chart. For example, in a natal chart, “his Mars trine his Sun”, is an excellent aspect for realizing ambitions, for Mars’ energy and effort are mobilized directly to that end, ambitions envisaged by the Sun. The harmonious relationship between these two very important planets enhances one’s efficiency for reaching a goal. People with this aspect in their chart know what they want from life and go for it on a straight path. (President Bush has this aspect in his chart.) In contrast, a person who has the Sun square his Mars is prone to scatter his energy. Generally these people find themselves doing one thing while dreaming of something else. They are on a zigzag course. They may become late achievers, but after considerable effort.
In a relationship, “his Mars trine her Sun”, or vice versa, is interpreted very similarly. It is an excellent aspect for team work, joint effort, and shared responsibilities. However, there are aspects in a man-woman relationship that are affected by the roles society assigns to each sex. For example, while “his Mars conjunct her Moon” is very desirable in a marriage, especially in 5th house of children, “her Mars conjunct his Moon” is less desirable, for this aspect bestows on a woman characteristics expected of a man. It may be as exciting sexually in the short run as “his Mars conjunct her Moon.” However, in time, she is likely to become sexually the more dominant partner. If his personality does not object to this role change, there may be no adverse consequences. However, if he does object to her dominance, or she attempts to dominate other aspects of their relationship as well, or she begins to complain about his manhood, then obviously there are problems brewing.
Since Mars is a potent planet, it is generally better for a relationship, and for a natal potential, if it is trine or sextile, rather than conjunct, another planet. The trine and sextile neutralize the excess of Mars’ energy. (This applies as well to Pluto, Saturn and, to a lesser extent, Uranus and Neptune.) For example, “Mars conjunct Sun” may manifest as proneness to violence, especially if the conjunction is in a fire sign. The same aspect in 10th house may signify a workaholic, especially if Saturn is also involved in some way. The same aspect in 6th and/or 8th houses may be the mark of a meticulous researcher, if Saturn is also involved. “Mars conjunct Venus” can bestow excessive sexuality. A person with this combination is likely to be too self-gratifying to be a good lover. If this influence is reinforced by other natal aspects, it may manifest more severely as propensity for rape, “nymphomania”, promiscuity, or prostitution, especially if a transiting aspect adds fuel to the fire. “Mars conjunct Moon” is similar to the Venus configuration, but with an added dimension of irritability and irritating manners.
b) Inter-house positions: pertain to the positions by house of his planets in her chart, and vice versa. For example, his Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in her 12th house would be a weak placement of a major planet in her chart. If his Sun, Moon, or Venus were instead placed in her 1st (attraction and magnetism) or 7th (marriage and intimacy) or 10th (joint ambitions and direction in life) or 4th (domestic tranquility) houses, in that order, it would have a strong presence in her chart. If the planet so placed is the Sun and it is in a house occupied by Aries or Leo in her chart, then its presence is even more pronounced, for the Sun “favors” these signs. Similarly, “Mars conjunct Venus” is not as potent in 12th house as it is in 8th or 5th houses.
The effect of a planet in a particular house depends on the aspects it forms to other planets. It is generally undesirable to have Mars, or other volatile planets, in angular (1st, 7th, or 4th) houses. Mars may serve a purpose in 10th house, which is also angular. However, the partner so placed is likely to “plot” the direction of the relationship. A planet that is placed well in the other chart does not necessarily improve the relationship. If there are no aspects to that planet, then its presence in a strong house (and/or sign) is better than in a weak house. On the other hand, if his Sun, placed strongly in her 7th house, is also square her Saturn and conjunct her Uranus, then the combination can give rise to severe marital (7th house) friction. Albeit, strong placements are always preferable.
A planet-by-planet, house-by-house analysis of relationships is beyond the scope of this book. The best source - actually the only defensible source - I know of the astrology of relationships is a booklet by Lois Haines Sargent, “How to Handle Your Human Relations”, revised edition 1970. It may be still available from AFA.
3) The type of relationship
The astrology of a relationship is a function of the nature of the relationship. It is also true that the nature of the relationship is a function of astrology. A friendship can survive, indeed thrive, with much less assistance from astrology than a situation of cohabitation. Roommates demand less from one another than an intimate couple. Marriage makes more demands than a situation of intimate “living together”.
One reads or hears from time to time about a divorced couple who have maintained a wonderful friendship over the years. A divorced person not on speaking terms to his former mate may be impressed by such news. Astrology may be at work behind the scenes in these cases. Let us suppose two people meet under pleasant circumstances. They chat and interact for a time and soon begin to like one another. This can happen in several ways. For example, “Sun conjunct/trine Moon”, “Sun conjunct/trine Venus”, or “Sun trine Sun” are excellent combinations for the friendship aspects of a relationship. Since friendship is (should be!) a significant component of marriage, people who experience strong affinity to one another sometimes marry soon after the encounter. The nature of the relationship has changed. The friendship elements may be sufficiently strong at the start to provide a momentum for the rest of the relationship. However, a marriage makes additional demands on astrology. These demands will gradually surface.
If the couple met a time when, for example, transiting Uranus was conjunct his Venus and transiting Mars conjunct her Moon, both very stimulating, then in addition to the wonderful friendship aspects the couple may have felt strong attraction for one another. However, transiting influences do not last forever. The influence of Mars on her may be over in a week; the influence of Uranus on him may last about six months. Assuming no other transiting influences six months later, the couple is now at the mercy of the potentials in their combined chart. A feeling of “something is missing” gradually emerges, but it is not yet acknowledged. (This is the occasion when one first senses that the honeymoon is over.) The couple is not sure at first if this is a temporary feeling or a permanent fact. They send for their combined chart and see that his Saturn is conjunct her Moon in 5th house - this can deny children in marriage - and his Venus is square her Mars - which can manifest as (a form of) sexual incompatibility.
They can manage the marriage for a time, but eventually incompatibility will begin to tax their friendship. The situation can be appreciated only by the people involved. If marriage becomes impossible and they agree mutually to terminate it, they are likely to continue as friends, if they have not taxed their friendship beyond repair, and there are no major non-astrologic complications.
In general, if the potentials in the combined chart are strong, the relationship has a backbone. It provides a cushion during adverse transiting influences experienced by one partner or both. If the potentials are weak, or the natal chart of one or both partners shows instability, then an adverse cycle can dissolve the relationship. Some relationships continue in an “on and off” fashion for years without an end in sight. These are borderline cases which bring a level of joy to both partners during positive and/or normal cycles. The couple does not have sufficient cushion to weather together an adverse cycle.
4) Phases of a relationship
After the transiting influences have served their purpose as catalysts, a relationship survives almost entirely by the interaction of the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars during the initial phase. This is still the “getting acquainted” period of a relationship.
The influences of aspects by the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars to ponderous planets - Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto - enter the scene next. For example, his Mars square her Venus still allows intimacy. His Saturn conjunct/square her Venus, once that influence settles, is not as generous. It can manifest as increasing unresponsiveness, indeed eventually as frigidity, on the part of Venus, if there are no major compensating elements. This is the “settling down” phase of the relationship. It is during this phase when the real personality of each partner also surfaces. The personality traits may independently contribute to the relationship, or interfere with it.
If the couple has survived the two previous phases and there are no major surprises from “real” personality traits, and the partners decide to continue their relationship, aspects between the ponderous planets finally begin to make their presence known.
Sometimes incompatibility is brought about by ponderous planets. The influences of aspects by Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto to each other do not emerge immediately, because they involve intangible elements: spiritual interaction, life-style, objectives, dreams, values... Hence, they are more subtle. Adverse aspects between ponderous planets can be unforgiving in a different manner. A marriage requires more than friendship and sexual compatibility. Ultimately it demands also similar values; a direction, purpose, commitment... Differences in intangible elements are not easily noticeable. When they do emerge and become a problem, they can bring about a turning point in the relationship.
These types of differences do not emerge immediately, because people change as they grow older. The needs which motivate them at certain stages in life also change. The ponderous planets are associated with many broadly defined categories of characteristics. (Let us not forget that millions of people are born during the one year when Jupiter traverses a single sign.) They are so broad and elusive that astrologers can only mention a few generalities - which is better than admitting they do not know. For example, if one were to read a one-page text describing Saturn’s characteristics in 3rd house, one would soon notice that most of the interpretations are actually borrowed from the text describing Saturn in Gemini, the third sign from Aries, and perhaps the Sun in 3rd house - this does not intend to say that Saturn in Gemini is better understood. Almost all of the interpretations of planets in signs and houses owe their existence to ancient astrologers. (Modern astrologers are too busy making money off astrology to add credible new insights to it.)
One becomes aware of elusive potentials after a transit cycle “wakes up” a deeply buried personality trait in a natal chart of which even the native was not aware. Other times transits inject a new influence that becomes a burning desire in the native to do something specific. A city lawyer who suddenly feels an urge to build a sailboat and to sail around the world is not compatible to his mate of 15 years, if the woman loves her work as a real estate agent and “hates the water.” Unless a compromise is worked out, paths can separate as abruptly after 15 years as they can after six months. Astrology can explain these types differences at best after the fact, if at all.
The “molding” process is fueled by transiting influences. They are the most important influences in astrology, because unlike the potentials buried in a natal or combined chart, transits are dynamic predictors of events taking place now, and announcers of events to come in the future.
5) Transit cycles
The status of a relationship at a particular time is not a function of the interaction of natal planets. If it is assumed that the “molding” personalities of the partners do not interfere with the relationship, the status of the relationship is constantly reshaped by transiting influences. Indeed, transiting cycles also mold the personality of each partner more and more as a subset within the universal set of the relationship. The partners become aware of this process when they begin to feel like an extension of one another.
The nature of the respective transit cycles experienced by the partners at a given time is a strong determinant of how each partner perceives the relationship at that time. For example, even a sexually potent combination, “his Mars conjunct her Venus”, may experience a very severe “on-ice” period, if transiting Saturn is conjunct the pattern, also affecting independently both his Mars and her Venus. This influence may last for several months. Since the aspect itself is affected, it is experienced as sexual problems. But this is not all. Her Venus is also under Saturn’s umbrella. She may not perceive her life as a joyful experience during this period. Since his Mars is also involved, he may project this aspect of “severe frustration” as terseness, lack of consideration, even aggression. Her unresponsiveness to intimacy may further fuel his rage... It is good that people are resilient and generally forgiving. The couple is likely to survive the six months of ordeal and continue, unless the relationship was a hedonistic pastime for one or both partners.
The transiting influences account for the trials and tribulations experienced by the partners individually. However, since they live their lives together in a marriage or marriage-like relationship, like a process of osmosis, positive and adverse cycles experienced by one affects the other. One of most valuable benefits of a strong relationship is in that when one partner experiences an adverse transiting cycle, the other partner provides a cushion. This mellows the effect of the cycle on the partner who is affected. In this manner a good relationship can actually form a protective shell around the couple. The relationship evolves into a bond in which the whole is larger and stronger than the sum of the two parts.
In contrast, the process of osmosis and the protective shell are defective in a bad relationship. This can come about in several ways. A good relationship does not survive on planets and astrology alone. There has to be a commitment by both partners to make their relationship work. If one partner is opportunistic and views the relationship as an “until someone better comes along” affair, then it will be merely an affair, for the other partner alone cannot make the relationship work. It has to be nurtured by both partners.
The transiting influences can be also more subtle but nevertheless severe and treacherous, such as a pattern in which transiting Neptune or Uranus are square or opposite natal Venus or the Moon. It can lead to infidelity and multiple affairs in a natal chart so inclined. A real-life example illustrates this process.
It is the occasion of a man visiting an astrologer. The man mumbles something about being very unhappy, but he leaves it to the astrologer to explain the causes underlying his unhappiness. The astrologer looks at his transit chart and sees that the man is under a wonderful long-term and several very nice short-term cycles. A good astrologer would know immediately that the man is affected by another person. He surmises that it is a case of a relationship gone astray, but prefers to approach the wound by probing gently about peripheral possibilities. “Are your parents ok?” “I do not see a problem with your job.” “Is this true?” “Are you married, or having a relationship?”
It turns out that the man has been married for two years. The astrologer asks for his wife’s birth information and looks at her natal and transit charts. She has Saturn in 10th house Capricorn (very prominent), opposite her Venus in Cancer and in 4th house, and square her Moon in Libra and in 7th house. The Moon is also square her Venus, thus forming a T-square to Venus and Saturn. The astrologer recognizes right away three severe and “not-so-nice” patterns in her natal chart. Her transit chart shows (in 1992) Uranus and Neptune in Capricorn, not yet conjunct her Saturn, but in exact opposition to her Venus, and square her Moon. In other words, the transit cycle has triggered several nasty patterns in the natal chart, while adding independently four unpleasant aspects. The astrologer asks the obvious: “is she having an affair?” The man answers “yes.” The astrologer does not say it but knows that the marriage is doomed forever, for aspects by Neptune and Uranus, on both the Moon and Venus, with a few degrees apart, are influences that are there to stay over the next three years. He knows that even if this affair does not last, she is likely to have a series of them.
The situation depicted by this real-life example is interesting enough to be analyzed as a case study. The transiting influences by Neptune and Uranus on Venus and the Moon are interpreted as follows.
Neptune at 16Cap22 in Houses(Solar:6/Equal:7/Location:7) Separat. 90 NATAL MOON RETROGRADE: House affairs from the PREVIOUS cycle are highlighted during this part of your transformation, a period to REORGANIZE your life and to TIE THE LOOSE ends together. This Sub-Cycle emphasizes: Danger of exploitation by others, instability, weakness, crises caused by indolence, illusions or vibes, self-deception, proneness to lying, inclination for low-level spiritual pursuits, a mate who has unfavorable influence.
Uranus at 14Cap14 H(S:6/Equal:7/L:7) Separating 178 NATAL VENUS RETROGRADE: House affairs from the PREVIOUS cycle are highlighted during this part of your transformation, a period to REORGANIZE your life and to TIE THE LOOSE ends together. This Sub-Cycle emphasizes: A self-willed love nature, tendency to be swayed by feelings, moodiness, epressed emotional desires, unfaithfulness, hypersensitivity, bohemian impulses. lack of discretion, likelihood of a love adventure.
The first line states: transiting Neptune currently (September 1, 1992) at 16 Capricorn 22 and in her Solar 6th, Natal (by Equal Houses) 7th, and Location (Washington, DC) 7th houses is in the process of separating from a square (“90") to her natal Moon. (These terms have been already explained in previous sections. Transits will be covered in more detail in the next section.) To review, ”separating" means Neptune has already passed, by 90 degrees, the position occupied by the Moon at birth, and it is now slowly moving towards 30-degree Capricorn. However, note that Neptune is “retrograde”. Therefore, Neptune is actually moving away from Moon’s position, by 90 degrees, towards 0-degree Capricorn. This would mean the square is still in a transition stage. When Neptune turns “direct”, later in 1992, it will “approach” the square again, become “exact”, and then separate, in this case probably for the last time. Since Neptune moves very slowly, this aspect first formed probably about two years ago. It has repeated the cycle several times through direct and retrograde motions, while gradually moving forward.
The effect of Uranus is similar, but it operates through an opposition (“178") on Venus. In both cases, the houses affected are ascendant-based natal 7th house, and 7th house at location. Thus, the combined impact is on marital affairs. For an unmarried woman these aspects may mark an occasion of a ”false" romance, House affairs from the PREVIOUS cycle are highlighted during this part of your transformation, a period to REORGANIZE your life and to TIE THE LOOSE ends together. This Sub-Cycle emphasizes: A self-willed love nature, tendency to be swayed by feelings, moodiness, repressed emotional desires, unfaithfulness, hypersensitivity, bohemian impulses. lack of discretion, likelihood of a love adventure.
The first line states: transiting Neptune currently (September 1, 1992) at 16 Capricorn 22 and in her Solar 6th, Natal (by Equal Houses) 7th, and Location (Washington, DC) 7th houses is in the process of separating from a square (“90") to her natal Moon. (These terms have been already explained in previous sections. Transits will be covered in more detail in the next section.) To review, ”separating" means Neptune has already passed, by 90 degrees, the position occupied by the Moon at birth, and it is now slowly moving towards 30-degree Capricorn. However, note that Neptune is “retrograde”. Therefore, Neptune is actually moving away from Moon’s position, by 90 degrees, towards 0-degree Capricorn. This would mean the square is still in a transition stage. When Neptune turns “direct”, later in 1992, it will “approach” the square again, become “exact”, and then separate, in this case probably for the last time. Since Neptune moves very slowly, this aspect first formed probably about two years ago. It has repeated the cycle several times through direct and retrograde motions, while gradually moving forward.
The effect of Uranus is similar, but it operates through an opposition (“178") on Venus. In both cases, the houses affected are ascendant-based natal 7th house, and 7th house at location. Thus, the combined impact is on marital affairs. For an unmarried woman these aspects may mark an occasion of a ”false" romance, which could even lead to a shaky marriage. For a married woman the situation is more complicated: “affair-divorce 1-shaky marriage-disappointment-divorce 2.”
The “false” qualification should be explained. Neptune’s influence is said to be nebulous. It works on the mind and can “cloud” judgement and perception. A trine or sextile may mark a period of intense imagination and inspiration. In contrast, a square or opposition manifests as self-deception, deception, illusion, escape, false hope... The conjunction by Neptune can be overly imaginative. While there may be moments of intense creativity, depending on the positions of transiting Moon, Mercury, and Venus, it is also felt as hallucination, day-dream, real or imagined telephatic vibes, paranoia or mental disturbances... Externally, the person affected by Neptune may also experience treachery in some form, as with the square and opposition.
In contrast, the influence of Uranus is tangible. Uranian aspects to Venus and the Moon are the most stimulating influences. “His Uranus conjunct/trine her Venus/Moon”, or vice versa, on a combined relationship chart is referred to as “Uranian Love” in astrology. Depending on the house positions involved, the conjunction in particular - but not to the Moon - may be the most “sexual-sensual-stimulating” combination in astrology. (The conjunction to the Moon may be as stimulation, but Uranian unpredictability will also upset the person whose Moon is affected.) The 5th and 8th houses are the most favorable positions. A Uranian love affair may also form under a transiting influence. It generally begins suddenly and unexpectedly and, as if all energy consumed, ends in a similar fashion after a month or two, unless, of course, the combined chart encourages a long-term bond. Uranus trine/sextile the Sun may manifest in a similar fashion. The square and opposition by Uranus to Venus and the Moon can be also stimulating but in a chaotic way. The affair usually ends in an unpleasant fashion, accompanied by feelings of disappointment and regret - especially if the Moon is affected. Treachery in some form may also be involved. It is a “live and learn” session in life and, if a long-term companion is shoved to the sidelines during the affair, it may become a lesson in “love and future sacrificed for a short affair.”
As this example illustrates, the wonderful transit cycle the man is experiencing is apparently all canceled by the infidelity of his wife. He feels miserable when the cycles affecting him are very positive. This is not so. Sometimes positive events (i.e., a job offer, a love letter, an important call...) materialize under these cycles. Other times a person is protected and cushioned against adversity. But there are also occasions on which some positive major cycles act as “house cleaning” agents by removing things and/or people who no longer serve a constructive purpose in one’s life. For example, a woman who is involved with a “bastard” of a man is suddenly released from her bond. Obviously he did not simply vanish. He may have “taken off” with another woman and moved elsewhere. The woman may experience a sense of loss immediately after the fact, but even she knows that this is the best thing that could have happened to her. In the case of the man in this example, if he thinks he feels miserable now, imagine his response if he were experiencing a very severe cycle. These are the news one reads about: “man shot his wife and her lover...
In a trying relationship, the party who views the relationship as pastime not only does not provide a cushion to his or her companion when the companion is experiencing an adverse cycle, he or she actually becomes the source of major problems for the partner when the situation is reversed. An opportunistic person experiencing an adverse cycle generally blames the partner for the adversity. (Actually this may be a self-righteous justification for what he or she has in mind of doing next.) So he or she seeks to overcome - or escape from - the adversity without relying on the partner. There is nothing as rejuvenation as a new romance in these situations, for the romance serves as a cushion. Even if it is a false romance, by the time the relatively happy honeymoon phase is over, the adverse cycle may have also passed. The romance will have served an immediate purpose.
From a longer perspective, the affair may still turn out to be a real solution for the wife, if she was really unhappy with her marriage, and she wanted a different partner. She may have met the right man and is happy thereafter. The affair could be also an escape. If it is an escape, there are two possibilities. 1) She will continue using escape as way of overcoming adverse influences, or escaping from herself, until she meets the right person. In this case, escape becomes for her a clever mechanism for overcoming adversity. (Let us not forget, there are lucky opportunists!) 2) She will repeat the cycle until she finds herself alone, lonely, and getting old. Only time - not astrology - will tell.
Astrology cannot provide a useful advice for the man. Unlike a doctor who may be able to promise recovery to a cancer patient, the astrologer can only explain the situation, in this case after the fact. He cannot provide hope. The situation would have been similar had the man sought advice two years earlier. If the astrologer had seen the aspects forming on the wife, he could have said something like “I do not know your wife, the type of person she is, but she will soon experience several major aspects... They may lead to upheavals in your marriage over the next three years...” The advice sounds profound but it is really not very helpful. It is like cautioning someone with a “be careful while crossing the street, because your chart indicates you may be run over by a truck over the next three years.” A person is either willing to take his or her chances and live life as life should be lived, or not. Obviously every woman does not automatically begin an affair because “something is not right”. The astrologer cannot be certain how this wife will respond to the stimulus. His advice may actually do damage by influencing the man’s trust in his wife, if the man is sensitive and lacks confidence in himself.
If the combined chart looks potent, the astrologer may advise the husband to “take her back” if she decides to come back. On the other hand, she may come back only because the affair did not work out and she has no place to go for now. If this were 1990, when the influences by Neptune and Uranus were about to begin, and the wife was having her first affair, this advise is equivalent to asking the man to suffer possibly through several affairs by his wife over the next three years. After all, the first affair sets a precedent and conveys that this woman has an inclination for affairs, because:
Points (a) through (e) do not promise a lasting marriage. So if the man still insists on being with his wife, the astrologer should analyze the man, not the relationship. Of course, a more practical counselor may suggest that if the man insists on having his wife with him, and she likes being with him but also have her affairs, a compromise may be reached if they are both willing to enter mate-swapping circles. Obviously some relationships do survive in this fashion.
People seek astrologic advice for only one reason. To acquire as much information as possible about something that is of great immediate concern to them. Sometimes their thirst is so strong that they forget they are talking to a person, not God. The details of this case study should provide some (common sense) clues about how much an astrologer and astrology can contribute. A client may force an astrologer into realms in which the astrologer is as much at a disadvantage as the average person. If the astrologer - or psychic - begins to talk about outcomes which are beyond astrology, the client should be able to use common sense to differentiate between advice and “blabber”. As it was stressed on several occasions in Part-I, common sense and reasoning faculties are frequently more effective than astrologic advice.
In this case, if the husband is a practical person, he can reason his situation and reach a decision about how he should respond and proceed. Since he already knows that she is having an affair, does he really need an explanation of the underlying astrologic patterns. Unless he is aware of major defects in his role in the marriage, his wife is the perpetrator of the situation. Everyone experiences the same or a similar cycle by Neptune and Uranus sometime in their lives. They will not all begin an affair. A marriage is not an affair. If the woman is unable to commit herself to a marriage, she should have delayed it. As it is, she should have been aware that an open affair would damage her marriage beyond repair and hurt her husband deeply. If she did not know this, or did not care, then perhaps the man should lick his wounds and thank his positive aspects - “lucky stars” - for helping him to be rid of her. Does the man need an astrologer to help him reason in this fashion and reach a “bottom line” decision? No.
People should learn to view crises as occasions on which to exercise self-control. Emotions may dominate the situation entirely, but their common sense and reasoning faculties are still alive. A crisis involving the death of a loved one may not be an occasion for common sense, but many others are. There are always alternatives, choices, and contingencies to consider. The situation the man finds himself in this example is an ideal test. Even if he is not a pragmatic person, even if he is numb, even if he can hear his emotions screaming “I want her back”, he must still force himself to evaluate his situation and consider his alternatives. The wife may be gone forever, but most people are not ready to accept such a drastic possibility immediately after the event. There is such a thing as addiction to a person and/or a relationship. A part of him will nurture the thoughts, “she will return some day... he will forgive her... they will continue happier than ever...” This is normal, but it is also normal to reason things out in a crisis. Indeed, she may return. Then what? If she is setting a pattern with this affair, is he better off to suffer now and wait for someone more suitable, or concentrate on short term objectives, such as diminishing his pain at all costs. The situation is exactly the same for a drug addict undergoing a “cold turkey” withdrawal. In the middle of the worst actual pain, some addicts are apparently able to reason “I must do this, or I am doomed forever...” and continue with the treatment. Some rehabilitated addicts were able to withdraw on their own. These are fine examples for others to follow when a situation in their lives demands a resolution. Peggy Fleming’s determination led to a medal. For the addict the prize is rehabilitation. They are worlds apart, yet both goals demand immense determination to succeed; in one case to achieve, in the other to “give up.”
Frequently people who experience a severe loss or a major problem want to talk things out with someone. Men generally do not feel comfortable pouring their hearts out to family and friends. (Curiously, many of these same persons are not disturbed talking about most intimate issues, such as the incestual relationship a man pursued with his daughter, in public on Oprah Winfrey etc show.) The husband in this example can talk to a marriage counselor. Many do. Others seek an astrologer. The husband may prefer astrologic advice. Fine, but he should still ask himself honestly about his motives for seeking an astrologer. What does he want from the astrologer? Does he want the astrologer to paint a planetary picture that absolves the wife of all responsibility for her deed: “look at what this poor woman has been going through...” He does not need an astrologer for this. If people insist on finding an excuse or rationalization to justify a deed, surely they can find one of their own. In this case, the man should tell himself, “ok, maybe I am an idiot, but I want her back. I will sit here, watch TV, and wait for her call...”
A person with a severe loss is ruled by a “hierarchy of pain” in which emotions dominate. It operates in a similar fashion as the hierarchy of needs: the pain that motivates the most must be the first one to address. The man’s heart may start playing games with his mind. His ego may be involved too. Perhaps he wants her back, and then reason that she is no good for him... Or his desperation is so acute that he has already decided to take her back. His mind is now more concerned with a) “what if she does not come back” and b) “when will she call?” The waiting soon becomes unbearable. He must talk to someone... These are the thoughts that accompany a client to an astrologer in a situation like this.
The astrologer can examine the man’s transit chart. If the chart shows an aspect, like Mercury conjunct/trine his Sun/Moon/Mercury/Venus in 3rd/5th/7th house of communications, love, or marriage respectively, he or she can legitimately inform the man of the likelihood of a call during this one or two day cycle. If the chart shows something even more solid, such as Saturn trine his Venus or the Moon, especially in 5th or 7th houses, then not only will she call, she will be probably back with him as soon as this cycle begins its approaching phase. Suppose she does call. Suppose she comes over and they make love. Then what? Astrology has done its duty. It cannot promise anything else. It cannot guarantee that from this moment on the marriage will bloom famously. It cannot guarantee that it will not bloom.
Upon her return, there is an artificial peace. His immediate pain has certainly diminished. But soon his ego will be struggling with emotions and common sense to have some say in the evolution of things. His trust in her is either gone or severely damaged. These will affect the resolution of problems in the future. Pain can make someone subservient and docile at first, until it evolves into a grudge. It then projects itself viciously in inconsequential arguments. Had she never returned, the husband may have continued to love her indefinitely, perhaps until some else came along. But now that she is back, her future is not at all certain. He may accept her presence only as a barrier against pain, until he is mentally ready to be rid of her, and pain or fear of pain are no longer a motivation. Unfortunately, many man and women react in this fashion. The man either accepts his wife back, or he does not. But once he does accept her back, he should not torture her for “things she did to him” in the past. This is analogous to a situation in which a man knowingly spends the night with a prostitute and calls her a “whore” to her face in the morning.
Suppose it is the wife who approached the astrologer. Could the astrologer have helped her? Perhaps, but not appreciably. He could have cautioned her with something like “you are under a very deceptive and unpredictable cycle. This is not the time to make drastic changes in life or to take foolish chances with your marriage. It may turn out to be a case of ‘jumping from the frying pan to fire’ for you...” But, having said this, the astrologer cannot know that the affair is doomed for ceratin. She may be having an affair with a wonderful man. Their combined chart may look even stronger than the one she has with her husband.
There so many possible and feasible outcomes in situations like these that only God, not an astrologer, would know the outcome. For example, the “Venus trine his Moon” aspect, which the astrologer associated with his wife’s return, by a strange twist of events, could have brought another woman (e.g., a former girl friend with whom he was very much in love once) into his life. After all, there are many types of lotteries one wins and loses continuously. (One wonders if the joy of winning a major prize is comparable in intensity and duration to the gloom of a major loss.) Life has so many mysteries that, when confronted with ultimate inquiries, an astrologer is as much at a loss for answers as the average person. (Otherwise, astrologers surely would have first their own house in order. Many astrologers are very disorderly!) Astrology can explain some events, it can predict the likelihood of some events before they occur, but the ability to predict “how things will evolve eventually”, the ultimate question we all want to know, is beyond astrology.
6) Relationships and culture
The way people respond to situations and cosmic enticements is also a function of the environment. There are many subsets of environment: upbringing, financial circumstances, culture... Of these, if one excludes genetic factors, culture may be the most significant, for it is a common denominator to all persons in a society. The culture in which one lives at the present - not the one into which one is born - defines the boundaries of acceptable behavior. (For example, American women living in Saudi Arabia wear long gowns, some of them even a veil.) It defines the roles man and women are expected to play, especially in public. The boundary also surrounds relationships, marriages, families... Some of the rules are written as law on paper, but most of the elements of “code of conduct” are traditions and habits that pass from generation to generation.
If the criterion, ability of an individual to form a relationship, is used as a basis to divide the population of the world into two groups:
1) Societies in which the culture has some say about the relationship an individual wishes to form
2) Societies in which the individual alone is the decision maker about the relationship he or she wishes to form
A cursory examination of various countries around the globe indicates that roughly 3/5 to 4/5 of the world’s population lives in societies in group 1. It is true that there are exceptions even in very strict societies; that every man and woman in the West do not arbitrarily “jump” into relationships; that in some societies men are “freer” than women... But if the previous example, “wife experiencing Uranus and Neptune on her Venus and Moon”, is used as a filter, women in Western societies, some women in many countries in Africa, some women in some countries in Latin American, and women in Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa would be free to respond to the stimulus exactly as the man’s wife did in real life. This leaves about 4/5 of the world’s women in the other group.
It would be unthinkable for a Saudi woman to leave her husband and move in with another man under any circumstance - certainly not on the grounds that Uranus and Neptune whispered something to her Venus and Moon. In a very exceptional case in which a Saudi woman fell in love with a married man, she was stoned to death. The story was told in the movie “Death of a Princess”. However, as the application of “death sentence” is frequently not a sufficient deterrent in the West, it is not the fear of severe punishment that ultimately rules out a similar affair in Saudi Arabia. It is the way Saudi children are brought up, the way Saudi culture prepares them for life, the way the Saudi society functions.
In many countries, individual freedom is subordinated to the welfare of the society at large. So if some of these societies do not appear free - or as free - by American standards, it is because many of the things which are arbitrarily attributed to “signs of freedom” in USA, are categorized under some other classification elsewhere. If a young Amish girl in USA is asked of her opinion of the pink Mohawk hair on the head of a “punk”, the classification she chooses may be the same word uttered by a young Saudi woman in response to the same inquiry. The freedom of a Western woman to appear in shorts, see-through blouses, hair curlers... in public; the freedom of Western men and women to sleep with other partners... are not things the Saudis envy about the USA or the West. (I am reminded of an occasion in Los Angeles in 1984. I was among a group of my students in the cafeteria, listening to a conversation about cultural differences. After reciting a few examples of freedom in USA, an American student pressed a young Saudi woman for her definition of what these examples represented: “what would you call it?”. She said, “degeneration, which you confuse with freedom.”) Strict rules are also observed in many societies in which the individual would be theoretically free to sway from the norm; for example, Japan.
Astrology applies universally. How would a “Uranus and Neptune square Venus and Moon” act on a young married woman in Saudi Arabia, and how would she respond to this stimulus? One can only reason a response. The cultural boundaries still apply. A young woman in the USA who has lost her virginity at age 15, at age 25, and after a dozen partners, is already an “experienced” woman compared to a Saudi woman who maintained her virginity until her marriage at age 23. If fantasy is a function of the level of one’s experiences, then “sky is the limit” applies to the American woman. To a Saudi woman to whom even a kiss on her husbands cheek in public is still a (very) forbidden intimacy, “how far would she dare to go?” is bound to be a relatively innocent fantasy. For example, she may daydream about how it would feel to be with that handsome Saudi man she saw at the “souq” (market) yesterday. That would be it! While theoretically the term infidelity may be applicable also in this case, fantasies do not lead ultimately to broken families and confused children in Saudi Arabia. So the Saudis do not punish people for having fantasies.
For the sake of argument, there is also a “the other side of the coin” view to this. The number of divorces in the West is seen in more traditional (static?) societies as a sign of weakness in family-life in the West. This may be true, but only if the sample includes broken families. The marriages of people of the Mid-East, Asia, and other parts are not necessarily stronger than lasting marriages in the USA. In fact, probably the opposite is true. The real difference is in the cultural and economic environment. In many societies, once a man or a woman reaches a certain age, “marriage and family” is the only viable alternative. Many marriages last, because they must last, regardless of the conditions in which they continue. In contrast, a man or a woman in the West have many alternatives with which they can experiment. It is a testimony to the strength of family life in Western societies that so many marriages and families do last, when there are so many alternatives.
Some of the alternatives in the West are a consequence of an “adventurous streak” in the people of Western societies. It is highly unlikely that a Saudi would want to spend a year alone in a sailboat sailing around the world, move to Tanzania to live among gorillas for ten years, climb the Himalayas... (If pressed, a Saudi would take helicopter to the top and feel sorry for the “idiots” risking their lives on the rocks below.)
If adventure is a form of search, it must belong to a higher scale in the hierarchy of needs. People in Western societies have already tasted the fruits of hard work and joys of conventional life styles. They still do. Some of them want more, but not more of the same. Perhaps what is seen on the surface as adventure is only the visible component of a search process. This streak, call it “propensity to search”, in the West, especially in American people, may be the most significant element of the dynamism in Western societies. One can ask many questions about it, but it is doubtful that there is a concrete answer.
If it is a search process, is it an element in the hierarchy of needs or something ingrained? Is it evolution at work or a cultural ingredient? Is the process fueled by a need to find something, or is it a curiosity about “what’s out there?”, or simply to be “in motion?” Is progress only a byproduct of this process, like a diary jotted down at a rest stop, or it is indeed about finding something at every step of the way? Can Japan match the West in the long run, unless it also copies this motivation to search. Is this the reason why America produces the best programmers? Does Christianity have something to do with the search process? They say God has created man in his image. It is more certain that the West has painted God in its (human) image. Is the motivation fueled by a jealousy of God? Is it an attempt to become God, even a minor God, perhaps a God among Homo sapiens? Why else would “Superman”, in so many forms, saturate so many facets of (especially) the American culture?
In retrospect, the wife who left may not have been an opportunist. It may not have been an escape. Perhaps she is a searcher, searching for something she cannot identify yet. She may have moved with another man simply to change her environment, to test if she is really looking for a man and another marriage, or something entirely different. She will be more certain if she feels restless again. If she becomes restless again, then what? She may wish to search elsewhere and in some other way. Eventually she must find a harmny individuals, and the degree of nastiness, only after they commit a drastic deed. Therefore, in many instances the advice provided by an astrologer may be drastically off, if the people involved do not fit this average. This is a very severe limitation.
1- When two people first meet under potentially romantic circumstances, the TRANSITING planets act as catalysts. If they stimulate romance (eg, Mars Trine his Venus, Uranus conjunct her Venus), a spark is initiated. If the spark is powerful enough, a tentative relationship begins under an umbrella of “get to know each other” honeymoon. This is WHEN the real Compatibility factors (gradually) enter the picture.
If the potential for compatibility is low, this is intuitively felt by both parties and the relationship fades. If the promise is felt to be high, then the relationship enters the next phase, a semi-commitment, at first guided by the interaction of the Sun, Ascendant, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars; in time, by the ponderous planets too. In turn, if the initial transiting catalyst is a long-term one (eg, Pluto trine Venus), or a “Fatal Attraction” (eg, His Neptune Square Her Moon), while real compatibility is low, both parties may be fooled to think that they are ideal match. Quick divorce follows...
2- Other things being equal, the transiting influences are also very important during the commitment phase. No relationship is perfect, but even a solid relationship may be severely tested during a 2.5-year Saturn transit in her 7th House and square her Venus, perhaps coinciding a square by Uranus to his Sun in 4th. The significance of substantive natal compatibility is in that during adverse transiting periods it provides a cushion, perhaps even rescuing the relationship.
3- Natal elements may play a very significant role. Some signs (eg, Capricorn) generally possess more resilience facing a prolonged adverse period in their relationship than some others (eg, Gemini or Sagittarius). A native with strong “fixed” placements in his/her chart may be more stable and purposeful. Venus in Gemini Sextile Moon/Mars conjunction in Leo (me!) is so nice for relationships that the native is likely to pursue several of them at the same time, no matter how compatible to anyone of them. One with many volatile Natal placements in his/her chart may need most of his/her energy for inner stability and “take” from, not be able to “give” to, a relationship...
4- Non-Astrological factors can be also decisive, indeed dominant: financial burdens or prolonged illness overwhelming compatibility elements...
